2 comments on “will someone read this and tell me if it is good and if not what i can do to fix it?”

• 

  Doppel G

  October 12, 2010 at 2:18 am

  Hi

  My comments on your script are in brackets, I hope that this helps or is at least ways interesting. Good luck !

  The Civil Rights movement was successful in getting African Americans political, economic, and social equality.

  ( If this is so explain the fact that more people of colour are in US prisons, explain why commerce is dominated by white faces, the low number of rich people of colour in America, why are there so many more African Americans in the armed forces than there are whites ? Why is the number of non whites in bad housing and needing hand outs to survive so high ? Name 2 American Black astonauts , The high number of suicides in the Black population, and finally explain the low number of non white polititians )

  Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Malcom X, and the Black Panthers were some of the leaders in the movement. In the beginning of the movement African Americans believed in non-violent protesting

  ( not all )

  but near the end the protesting became violent. Before the movement there were laws of equality but no one followed them

  After the movement the government enforced those equality laws way more.

  The Civil Rights Movement began when an African American woman named Rosa parks refused to move from her seat on the bus and was arrested

  ( protest was happening before this time, Rosa was a high profile case that brought several stands together which got media attention ). ( just a thought, you may be able to make the link between the rise of media technology and the civil unrest, seeing the way peolpe are being treated on your TV and seeing how wrong it is is a powerful new way ( was then ) of getting the message heard )

  The specific protest that she started was the Montgomery bus boycott. African Americans were upset that Rosa parks had been arrested and they all decided to not ride the busses and walk or get rides from employers.At first it was hard for blacks to do this because they would get beaten and arrested but the government was loosing a lot of money and they decided to give the blacks freedom to sit were they wanted to on busses

  ( By now you may feel that I’m just a little cynical but it is more likley that changes came about due to the election cycle and that the polititians were going to loose thier seat due to the growing number of non white voters if they did not recognise that black people are human beings too. The increases in Black voters was caused by the rise of the industrial revolution bringing low paid worker to the factories, this was enough to swing the vote in many areas. ).

  This law was not followed as well as hopped. When people realized that the segregation on busses was still happening in 1961 they gathered a large group of blacks and whites. These people got several busses and had the whites sit in the back and blacks in the front. They rode the busses all over and were beaten along the way. At one point some of the buses were burned (C).After these protests African Americans finally got their freedom on busses.

  ( note, don’t forget that the bus drivers were usually white and refused to drive the busses for fear of being attacked again )

  In 1963 James Meredith was admitted into the University of Mississippi. He felt that even though the university had admitted him that it was still not segregated an that he was alone (J). But the Board of Education felt that they had desegregated their school and was following the laws. In an earlier case that was Brown vs. Board of education they fought for desegregated schools. In the fourteenth amendment it states that facilities can be “separate but equal.” They fought that separate schools was not equal (G). Brown had won this case and the schools were to be desegregated. The northern states were starting to desegregate. The desegregation of schools helped African Americans get better paying jobs

  ( not really borne out by employment stats )

  because they started to get higher education. The income of most African American families had increased (E). When the African American families started to get higher income they started to move into housing in better conditions then in the homes they were forced to live in.

  Martin Luther King Jr. was a main leader in the movement he fought non-violently. In the march on Washington he gave his famous “I have a dream…..” speech. Not long after this he was arrested and continued to fight from jail and wrote a letter (H). When the non-violent protests were not working as well as hoped African Americans started to go for violent protesting. Malcom X and the black panthers were main voices of violent protesting. The Black panthers had written a platform to state what they wanted. They wanted freedom and power to do what they want with their lives, full employment, better education opportunities, better housing, exemption from military, end to all violence toward them, and freedom to the blacks in jail. African Americans also wanted the right to vote. In 1960 Tennessee was the only state that had over 50 percent of blacks voting (B). With all the fighting and protesting done by 1966 at least three more state had over 50 percent of blacks voting(B)>

  In all the Civil Rights movement gained African Americans social political and economic equality. Today it is not completely equal but it is way more equal then it has been in the pat. Thanks to Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr., Malcom X, The Black Panthers and all the people who fought for the rights of African Americans. The African American people living today can go to school, work, and public places with all kinds of races.

  ( why is there little reference to non-white historical texts and history in US schools and universities, all histories are important. )

  Look at your own school, How many African Americans ( or non whites of any description ) hold senior or powerful positions ?

  ( African Americans are often a long way from being treated as human beings let alone equal. )

  For the record I am White British and in the UK

  A further point, Your essay addresses a group of people that you have termed as African Americans and you atribute a common perspective to the whole group, this is a weakness in your argument. An individual remains an individual with their own thoughts, needs, ideas, skills and advantages. It is incorrect to say that “This group of people think” you can only ask and report on what “This individual thinks”. A further example of this would be for you to suggest that you think exacly the same thoughts as the rest of your family, and I am sure that is not true !

  Hope this helps

  PS “this is my dbq ” what is a dbq ?

• 

  Mike

  October 12, 2010 at 2:33 am

  use spell check…you said state, not states in paragraph 5.